a ready defense or not

i want a do over. yesterday, i was in a florist by my house. it is not just a typical florist. it is a beautiful place, really kind of trendy. you can not only buy beautiful flower arrangements, but beautiful things for your home and garden. it is run by a family and in particular a beautiful 40 something woman who is always behind the counter. i remember her from past purchases. she sees a gazillion customers and i'm not in there but a couple times a year so i don't think she remembers me but she may now. anyway, i had just come from the cemetery right down the street. i was checking on my dad, his birthday was day before yesterday, he would have been 89. i wanted to get a grave blanket for a while now and had not done so. i didn't want to duplicate anything my sister or brother had already done so i went to the cemetery first then to the florist. my emotions were raw. i thought i composed myself enough, so i went in. i walked in and passed a stand of garden tiles with sayings on them. the word prayer was on a lot of them. i decided i would buy one of these too.

that is one thing i cherished was hearing my dad pray. here is just an example of answered prayer. within the last 6 months before my dad went home he prayed as he lay sick on the couch that my brother's sudden back pain would go away so as to let him be with his congregation that evening. we didn't know that he prayed that. suddenly my brother left the table and went to the bathroom only to pass a kidney stone. he came out, gave us his happy report. the sudden back pain had a cause and it was a kidney stone (he showed us his proof) and it is now gone. dad told him what he had just prayed.

i walked in and said i'm the one who called about your grave blankets....tears began to flow....she handed me a kleenex...told me it's ok to let it out... we talked a little....she rang me up and i said "i also want" i could only point to the garden tiles display ....she understood and rang that up too. she walked me out and we stopped to pick up the tile. i noticed she was wearing a beautiful pink ribbon around her neck with a beautiful cross hanging. the tile i picked had a cross on one side "God answers prayer" next to it. i spoke of my dad and how i missed hearing him pray. she said wow if he is up in heaven tell him he has to get us up there. i was taken back because i never quite heard that approach. a loved one already there gets us there? by then we were nearly out the greenhouse door when i told her i know how we get there and it's only by the blood of Christ. i'm not sure how that registered with her. somewhere in there i said we have a personal relationship with Christ. but what i'm about to say is that i choked. as soon as i knew where the conversation was going and my obligation to speak i was excited but inside i choked. here this beautiful woman who wears the symbol of salvation, a cross, and hadn't the faintest idea about how we get to heaven and hear i was choking and wanting to go meet my daily obligations.

if it were my dad he would have taken as much time as he could until she was sick of him. he was mr. outgoing. loved to talk to anyone about the Lord. this means eternity for her. i have to go back. these moments are what i must be ready for. i may or may not be able to recreate this moment. it was a gift from God. she could be dead as i type this. no drama intended, it could be true. even if she is alive she is dead in her sins. she really is clueless. she made that clear to me and i'm sure i did not make salvation clear to her. so now i want a do over. i also want mercy for both she and i.