Life (that all encompassing word)

September 22, my mom died. Sometimes we say passed, went home to be with the Lord. All are true but for this moment I will say died. I think died is the harshest sounding word and for my life it has been the harshest event. I think. More on that later.

She fell. I was not informed for a few days that she fell. That hurts. And she just kept going down hill after that. She fell on her hands and knees. Hurt her shoulder, and bruised her knees and palms badly. She gave it her all after that, but never regained her strength. She was one strong woman. Why can't I be like her? Her fall was in July and by September she slipped away. Mom died.

Tears fall so easily, always right on the edge of my eyes for her. Why can't I be stronger?

She was the boss. We kids dared not go against her. Until that day when we had too. She needed to be seen by a doctor. We knew it for days even weeks. But she would not leave the house. Until that day we had done enough guessing, protected her wishes too long. We were ready to go against her for her own good, we thought. We found a doctor who would come to the house and assess her. That was not easy to find one. He gave us hope. Maybe it was just dehydration and electrolytes he told us, that is easy to fix. Call an ambulance to transport her to the hospital and it may just be as simple as that. It was not. We did finally call an ambulance that night. We took a vote, the three of us did. We had to error on hope. We sort of argued our points with one another what "mom always wanted" and what "if" we did nothing. What a struggle in our hearts!


We weren't doctors. She was white as snow, hair ringing wet with sweat for days. Could not stay awake. Moaned in her sleep. We knew she would be mad. She was but handled it with grace and jokes along the way. She knew, as we did, if she left she may never come home. We always wanted to give her what "she always wanted" to die at home like her own mother and my dad. Both in that back bedroom. Death what an ugly thing this side of heaven.

We called the ambulance. Asked for no siren. When the paramedics arrived, it she refused to go they could not take her. They talked to her with such concern and kindness and with a child like helplessness, she agreed. With my dear brother at her side all the way, we knew as she knew she may NEVER come back home. Her home sweet home. With her wit in the ambulance, strapped to the stretcher, she looked at my brother and said something like "you think I should run?" My poor brother, he has to bear the burden of the memory of the ambulance ride for the rest of his life. He loved and cared for her faithfully every day as she did FOR him in the best way she could until she couldn't anymore.

She always told us kids to put a hat on our heads to go out in the cold. As she lay on the stretcher I ran to her drawer to get a scarf and draped it over her wet head to not allow her to go out of the house in the chilly fall night. I laid her afghan over her lap to give her something from home to see in that sterile place. We girls prayed that the Lord let her come home. I prayed and did my best. It was not to be. She was too weak, too sick. That dumb fall. She tripped on her oxygen cord. Stupid thing. Why Lord?

Her last night at home, the previous night, both my sister Judy and I were there. We took turns with her during the night. If she was up sitting on the edge of the couch, we were too. She slept on her couch since being put on oxygen sometime in 2007after dad died. With her oxygen cord and machine, that was the easiest. She could flip from side to side, watch t.v., reach the phone, have the ceiling fan on. Every night, usually my brother would make the couch up with a cool sheet and a blanket for the last 2 years. She would undo it herself in the morning, except lately.

Her last night, as she lay with her back to me and me sitting on the floor beside her head I told her how much I loved her and that she was the best mom in the whole world and apologized for working so much to get out of debt and cried like a baby. She said the most wonderful thing in the world back to me that every child wants to hear. She told me she loved me amongst other things. I knew beyond a doubt her words were her final gift to me. I am 54 years old and can be reduced to a child like state in a second thinking about my mom and dad. Why?

In ER they determined she had pneumonia and her white count showed infection. She also had half the amount of blood she was supposed to have. They transfused her with an IV, antibiotics and blood on the slowest drip possible as to not tax her system and throw her into more congestive heart failure (she had that too, and was a diabetic) but it was not to be. Her color came back for a day and gave her a little boost enough to tell us each she loved us. Precious. Her kidneys began to shut down. No output in her bag. What a sinking feeling. No turning back. Helpless.

We were in "her" hospital. The one where she had various surgeries, visited newborns, and had a million tests done through out her life. The one that had the best gift shop where she would shop each and every time, always stopping at the baby clothes. Didn't matter how old she was or if she had anybody to buy for. She always look at the baby clothes admiring the smocking and fine details on the dresses. My mom had an eye for fine details and it gave her joy to look. I can see her now looking through the little dresses on the wall of the gift shop and checking out the baby blankets. I wonder what she was thinking each and every time. Why didn't I ask her? I'd ask her so many things now, of course.

On September 22 my world caved in. Never to be the same. I felt utter devistation. Unlike when my dad died. I still had mom.

Then September 23 arrived. I was walking out to my car to go make funeral arrangements with my sister and brother when my husband drove up. He approached me and said he quit his job. More devistation.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentine's Day

to everyone!

A New Kind of Me Me

recieved this meme from Tonja at Gatherings. The point is to go through and 'make bold' the ones you have done.



Started your own blog Slept under the stars Played in a band Visited Hawaii Given more than you can afford to charity Been to Disneyland/world Climbed a mountain Held a praying mantis Sang a solo Bungee jumped Visited Paris Watched a lightning storm at sea Taught yourself an art from scratch Adopted a child Had food poisoning Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty Seen the Mona Lisa in France Slept on an overnight train Had a pillow fight Hitchhiked Taken a sick day when you’re not ill Built a snow fort Held a lamb Gone skinny dipping Been to a Broadway show in NY Ran a Marathon Been in three states at once Ridden in a gondola in Venice Seen a total eclipse Watched a sunrise or sunset Hit a home run Been on a Cruise Seen Niagra Falls in Person Visited the birthplace of your Ancestors Seen an Amish community Taught yourself a new language Had enough money to be truly satisfied Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person Gone rock climbing Seen Michelangelo’s David Sung karaoke Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant Visited Africa Walked on a beach by moonlight Been transported in an ambulance Had your portrait painted Gone deep sea fishing Seen the Sistine Chapel in person Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris Gone scuba diving or snorkeling Kissed in the rain Played in the mud Been to Grace Kelley’s grave in Monaco Gone to a drive-in theater Been in a movie Visited the Great Wall of China Started a business Taken a martial arts class Swam in the Mediterranean Sea Visited Russia Served at a soup kitchen Sold Girl Scout cookies Gone whale watching Gotten flowers for no reason Donated blood, platelets or plasma Gone sky diving Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp Bounced a check Saved a favorite childhood toy visited the Lincoln Memorial Eaten Caviar Pieced a quilt Stood in Times Square Toured the Everglades Been fired from a job Seen the Changing of the Guards in London Broken a bone Been on a speeding motorcycle Seen the Grand Canyon in person Published a book Visited the Vatican Bought a brand new car Walked in Jerusalem Had your picture in the newspaper Read the entire Bible Visited the White House Killed and prepared my own meat Had chickenpox Saved someone’s life Sat on a jury Met someone famous Joined a book club Lost a loved one Had a baby Seen the Alamo in person Swam in the Great Salt Lake Been involved in a law suit Owned a cell phone Been stung by a bee

Are We Ready For Some Football?

Go Cardinals! Go Steelers! I really don't care who wins.

I just know Kurt Warner, who is an outspoken christian, and the third oldest QB to play in a super bowl, will honor his Lord no matter what the results. Just pass me the salsa and chips.


Doesn't this look fun to make? What will you be eating tomorrow?

friday "f"iesta

Friend - he's the best!

Will burrow under anything for a cozy nap. Took this pic yesterday. He only opened his eyes enough to see what was I up too.










Flakes - the dry skin kind. I bought this because it had oil in the name and it really did the trick.

Food - made scalloped potatoes and ham. Made it the old way with butter and flour in between the layers then pour milk over it. The new way is to make a rue. It disappears any way I make it.









Fertile - No, no, no not me anymore! Just call me hot flash Helen. Sorry Aunt Helen.

I get so hot even my leather recliner thinks it has heated seats! :)

Fan - my other best friend.

Facet - I want Jesus in every facet of my life.

Forgive - Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"




Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. "
Matt. 18:21,22

Have a fantastic weekend friends and let's forgive those who need our forgiveness not forgetting we are all forgiven.

FRIDAY NIGHT UPDATE:

EVERY BLANKET BRINGS NEW OPPORTUNITIES!!!

friday "f"iesta

It's Friday already. It feels like this week zoomed by maybe because it did zoom by.

fatigue - describes myself today after a long day at work

fun - had dinner with my sister and brother in-law and solved all the world's problems - Why don't they ever ask us?

future - priscilla shirer - going beyond, coming to my church in april

futile - worry, why do i do it so much

finance - thank God the bills are getting paid

fedora - aretha franklin's hat, creation of mr. song's millinery in detroit - Do we really need any more bad press?

funny - ikea commercial makes me laugh every time. "Start the car! Start the car!"

free - smiles give them out generously and make someone's day

I Hate When I Do That!

Does anything look out of place? I almost broke out into the song I used to sing with my children from Sesame Street....one of these things is not like the other....one of these things doesn't belong. :) Remember that song? The day turned out a lot better than it started, just in case you were wondering.

I watched the inauguration. I am in awe at the sea of people who went to see history being made. I have not seen anything like this in my life time. The only comparison is the wedding of Princess Diana or her funeral. Our new president sure has a lot of things to try and fix. I will be praying for him as I know you will too.

Happy Birthday to Emily

Yesterday my baby turned 23. She had to work and we had the little guy for some Sunday fun. Grandpa bought his buddy a sled and a shovel. It was sunny outside and was actually comfortable if you were in the sun. We walked him up and down the block and he loved it. Then we had to do a little shopping at the mall for his mom. He loves the mall. The mall means "moothies" and this trip didn't disappoint. He had his strawberry/banana smoothie Surf City.

Since he was little his favorite toy was a giraffe that my daughter bought. We just made it something special and made it his symbol. So he got his mom a giraffe charm and put it on a necklace. He gave her a giraffe birthday card too.





















After work on Sunday, we took her to Carrabba's for a birthday dinner. The food was excellent and the little guy did great. That is, great after he squeezed the styrofoam kiddy cup filled to the rim with milk and it went all over him. You think one of us would have seen that coming. duh! We took him in the restroom only to find no blow dryer so we dried him as well as we could and stuffed his little pants with napkins to keep his wet jeans from touching his legs. He did fine after that.



The cake is a casatta cake. It is white cake with a cannoli filling. We were too stuffed to cut it last night so our birthday celebration will continue tonight. Birthday celebrations cannot last too long at least when you are 23. At my age there is a time limit...like the first 30 seconds when I wake up on my birthday. Oh, today is my birthday, oh my aching bones. :)



Emily you are a beautiful daughter inside and out and we love you like crazy!

friday "f"iesta

fajitas - would love them for dinner tonight

fun - shopped at Tuesday Morning (like Big Lots but only home products no food) and looked at EVERYTHING

fashion - need a new hair cut

frugal - bought a Cuisinart whisk for 4.99 from Tuesday Morning, best whisk I ever had

frosty the snowman - it is so cold here your nose hairs freeze

father - today my dad would have been 90. He always loved having his birthday celebration.

faith - where would I be without Jesus

face - here is my favorite one
















fanny - the thing I sit on toooooo much

flowers - I love them, miss them in the yard and need me some on my table real soon

feet - this is what my feet look like right now.












football - we got us a Tennessee Titan coach for the Lions-----yahoo! Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

fortitude - sometimes I got it and sometimes I don't

friday - Friday's here but Sunday's coming.

Dealing with Loss

This was in my email box today from Crosswalk. His timing is impeccable. I'm dealing with some big losses not to be blogged about here but very close to my heart. Some of you on very key days lately sent me a note to say I was on your mind and you dears lifted me up in prayer. On those days I felt them.

I come before my heavenly father with my losses like the helpless child I truly am. He tends to my wounds and is the only balm that satisfies my soul.

God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

Handling the Losses of Life - Part 1
Dr. H. Norman Wright

"What is the loss in your life that you've never fully grieved over?" Often I ask clients this seemingly unusual but necessary question and about 80 percent eventually discover a loss that's been neglected.

Over the years I have discovered that most people travel through life with unfinished business that acts as unnecessary baggage. Many are not aware that what they've experienced would be classified as a loss. Some try to ignore the loss, only to discover residual implanted in their heart and mind. Even when a loss is recognized, most people do not know what to do to recover; we are a generation that has not been taught how to grieve. And family life is full of losses.

Loss--a simple four letter word--is a constant companions throughout life. During the journey, the various stages we pass through include losses. They're inevitable. Some are sudden--others gradual. Some cause us to be racked with pain, while others provoke mixed responses.

Losses are especially prevalent in the first part of life. Most are developmental. For example, young people graduating from high school may experience a loss of status, friends and familiarity, but they anticipate moving on in life. In the mid to latter years, losses usually are not seen as a positive step of growth--as a 60- or 70-year old it's a sign that life will soon be over.
In later life they tend to accumulate. R. Scott Sullender describes it well:

"Losses also begin to become cumulative in nature after age forty. Losses build upon losses. Each loss is linked to previous losses, and in a sense fore-shadows the ultimate loss of life itself."1

When losses are infrequent they are easier to handle.

Most of us don't talk about our losses. Nobody likes to lose or be viewed as a loser. Believers should be the best equipped to handle loss and grief because of the rich resources of our faith, but typically this is not true. Christians are often given insufficient instruction and guidance on both the recognition of loss and on healthy grieving.

Did you know, for example, that:

mourning a natural death takes approximately two years (although various influences affect the length)?

the intensity of your grief peaks again at three months and twelve months following the death of a loved one and may be as strong as during the initial days?

it usually takes six to eight months to fully grieve over a miscarriage?

the loss of a child is called the "ultimate bereavement"?

Life is a blending of loss and acquisition. Every loss brings the potential for permanent emotional devastation and stagnation--or change, growth, new insights, understanding, and refinement. If there is to be wholeness, such growth requires both grieving and perhaps someone to assist you in going through this process.

Any event that destroys a person's understanding of the meaning of life is a loss. Moving, putting your "foot in your mouth," being burglarized or vandalized, receiving a "B" rather than an "A," having a child leave home, seeing an ideal or dream shattered, changing jobs, experiencing economic failure or job rejection, going through divorce, and experiencing death are all losses.

For the most part death is the only loss recognized as something to grieve. But other losses that we rarely acknowledge, such as divorce, could have more of a limiting impact that losing someone in death. When a loved one dies, there is closure, but all too frequently in divorce (especially if there are children involved) closure is lacking. Nina Donnelly describes our dilemma well:

"The trouble with trying to mourn loss when death isn't involved is that there is no body, no funeral, and no public shoulder to cry on. There is no traditional, socially sanctioned outlet for mourning when the loss isn't death. Loss of function, relationship, or financial resources, for example, bring no printed obituary, no "remains" laid to rest, no public gathering to cement the fact and focus love on the mourner.

"Trying to mourn loss when death is not involved is a lonely hell, with vague beginnings and endings defined more often by the intangible dimensions of lost and found hope than by the perimeters of the crisis itself."2

Dr. H. Norman Wright is a graduate of Westmont College (B.A. Christian Education), Fuller Theological Seminary (M.R.E.), and Pepperdine University (M.A. in Clinical Psychology) and has received honorary doctorates D.D. and D.Litt. from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary and Biola University respectively. He has pioneered premarital counseling programs throughout the country. Dr. Wright is the author of over 65 books--including the best-selling Always Daddy's Girl and Quiet Times for Couples. He and his wife, Joyce, have a married daughter, Sheryl, and a son, Matthew, who was profoundly retarded and is now deceased. The Wrights make their home in Southern California.

Oh Christmas Tree

Well I got this much done...and miles to go before I sleep. Come on in and take a look.

The Christmas Tree with a new star at the top from the dollar store!

Here are some of my favorite ornaments. I have about a dozen hand crocheted snowflakes made by my mom. I love these hand painted tin ones that attach to the branches by clothes pins. I also love these egg shaped ornaments with Christmas themes on them made by the "egg lady". I went with an all white theme this year with just a little bit of color. I didn't plan it, it just kind of happened.

The New "T'was the Night Before Christmas"

*T'was the weeks before Christmas*
*When all through our land,*
*Not a Christian was praying*
*Nor taking a stand.*
*See the PC Police had taken away,*
*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*
*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*
*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*
*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*
* December 25th is just a 'Holiday'.*
*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*
*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*
*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*
*Something was changing, something quite odd! *
*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*
*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*
*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*
* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*
*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*
*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*
*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*
*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*
*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*
*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!*
*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*
*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*
*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*
* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*
*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*
*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*
*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*
*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*
*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*
*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,
not Happy Holiday!*
Please, all Christians join together and
wish everyone you meet
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christ is "The Reason" for the Christ-mas Season!

Poop Patrol Came Up Empty

Dear friends:

Thank you all for your prayers.

Let's review. All this excitement happened on Saturday and he stayed here overnight. Monday he presented with diarrhea and vomiting at day care. I picked him up because my daughter can't leave work. Well you know what I was thinking, don't you. The plastic is in there somewhere and causing these symptoms.

I consulted with my wise sister. I really do not know what I would do without her. She always has time to listen. She is so precious. She suggested I contact our big Children's Hospital http://www.childrensdmc.org/Default.aspx in Detroit. I did that (didn't even think of them the first time). They said come in, we did. What an amazing job this hospital is doing for the children in the city. I truly felt this staff had both a love for medicine and children.

After a good examination and more x-rays. HE HAS THE FLU!....then I got the flu, then Emily got the flu, then Jordan got the flu. I'm much better, waiting for my legs to get back though. It's nasty stuff! We are all saying we can't remember when we have been this sick. Only grandpa and the boyfriend has yet to get it. I hope they don't!!

We got a little dusting of snow last night, you can still see the grass kind. Just enough to be aggravating for the morning drive. I don't have a stitch of Christmas up. I need lights outside for the little guy, maybe next week.

I've been listening to the Auto hearings for the last two days since the only energy I have been able to muster is to push the button on the remote. These CEO's have been getting a tongue lashing from many senators and congressmen. They are making them promise the moon. I only hope Washington understands. I do think they will get the money, but I don't think they understand. If the autos fail, and I do think it is all on the brink right now, this country will fall into depression the size they have never seen and are, in my opinion, incapable of dealing with given the amount of people living in the US now.

I know this is not scientific but anonymously what industry puts the bread on your table. Or just say if it has ties to the Automobile industry or not.

In our house it is the design of cutting tools. These cutting tools are mounted to machines that perform the removal of metal to very precise specifications. They sell the cutting tools to the machine builders. Machine builders sell their machines to suppliers. Suppliers make the parts and sell the parts to the autos. Do you see the domino effect here.

So here you have it, in my finite mind, all that goes into the building of the cutting tool, engineering, carbide, steel, screws, springs, oil, and the list is endless, then the machine builder, same endless list, then the end users and there are stops along the way until it gets to the assembly line. If all this goes away what then. What happens to the plastic industry? What happens to the glass industry? What happens to the tire industry? What about all the dealers? They are dropping like flies all around the country now.

Sorry for my rambling. This is hitting us right in our own back yard.

Love to you all, I cherish each one of you.

Grandma needs a new set of nerves for Christmas

You won't believe this. Or you might believe this. We spent a few hours in ER last night with our grandson. Oh ya, you got nothin' on me Jenny :)! It happened so fast. The little guy was sitting on the hearth quietly swinging his feet watching grandpa set up his fisher price little people aka "guys" on the table right in front of the fireplace, grandma was checking her email. Not the right time in hindsight. He was holding a spoon from Wendy's when we noticed a piece missing out of the spoon part! Couldn't find it anywhere. Nothing.

After a few paniced moments, off we were to ER. We had to err on the side of caution. They took us right way, took an x-ray and nothing showed up. They said sometimes plastic doesn't show up. GREAT! I like to hear things like "yes we see it, it will pass" or "no nothing is there"! So it's poop patrol today. The Dr. even said doing poop patrol was unnecessary. She doesn't know who she is talking to. I need to know.

The missing piece was triangular about 1/4 inch in length and width. We heard nothing. He didn't choke or gag. So where the missing piece is has yet to be discovered.

Grandma's Christmas List

1. Set of new nerves

2. Eyes all around her head

3. Super sonic ears

4. More sense

Nick

Please keep Tammy, Tim, Erich, Todd, Evan and Olivia in your prayers.

http://tammynischan.blogspot.com/

Their special boy is now in the arms of the Lord. Nick went home today. He has battled brain cancer since 2002. He had an amazing life since 2002 which his mom has faithfully documented on his website http://www.nick7-11.zoomshare.com/.

I cannot tell you how much strength and encouragement I have received from Tammy by her example as she went through this that allowed me to go through my own battles on many days. She is incredible and so is her family. One day I will have the joy to meet Nick face to face. He has a special place in my heart.

Very Unsure Times

The news about the auto's going belly up is very fearful and real. My husband's job...and our existence is directly tied to the auto's. Family members too.

I go thru different scenarios. Put the house up for sale. Don't put the house up for sale. Get a full-time job. No, I need to watch my grandson...wait...wait a little longer...don't wait, act now. How do we know what to do when. Lord take hold of the wheel!!!

Our country will be in a depression without this industry that I am sure. The dominoes that will fall will be huge. Who will make our defence equipment?

I'm looking at this from a very selfish viewpoint. Survival.

playing catch up with ya'all

hello friends. it's a cool fall morning here in the mitten state with that crispness in the air. i love it. soon, too soon, we will have snow for far too long. don't you ever wonder how you would do in another area of the country? i do a lot. the husband is off this week. we have plans of cleaning the carpets, cleaning out a very slow drain in the bathroom, finishing putting new electrical plugs and a new dryer vent configuration at our daughters condo. but first we must eat breakfast, after he walks the dog. there just is no perfect life. gotta love him.

yesterday we had our grandson for a good while. our daughter always works on sunday. he loves ousi (outside), we have a park in our sub-division and he likes the whee (swings) and grandpa was oh so attentive to him. i really appreciated that yesterday. he wouldn't eat, i even resorted to french toast with syrup, i think his throat is sore. after he got home em said she had yogurt and he ate some. grandma could rest, he had something in his little belly to sleep on.

took the dog to the vet and had his blood drawn to test for allergies. this was inevitable. when we get the results in a couple of weeks no doubt i'll be training to give him injections. it's 20.00 per injection if they do it and a good long drive there so it will be worth me learning. the dog is miserable if he is not taking steroids. he bites himself raw. poor thing has lived on steroids and antihistamines forever. we even bought a donut for him to wear around his neck to prevent biting but he figured it out for some parts of his legs. he is the million dollar dog.

now for my PRAISE REPORT.......contrary to what you may think not all problems are blogged about here. shocked? back in the spring my son was downtown with friends very late into the morning at an artsy "art gallery" called CIAD for funk night and it was raided commando style by the police. they bashed the doors in with guns drawn, wearing black face masks, everyone was told to hit the floor. everyone was frisked for drugs, none found anywhere that night, cars were impounded to the tune of a $700 fine. thankfully he didn't drive that night. all were ticketed for loitering which is a misdemeanor. the ACLU agreed to take on this case for the 200 teens (i'm in no way supporting them that is for sure). our son has heard nothing on this case via the email they all agreed to communicate through and nothing by regular mail either.

so hear is what the LORD JEHOVAH provided. i was driving to work friday listening to a news station i don't normally have on. driving while listening to my thoughts and not the radio when i heard the word CIAD mentioned, lawsuit settled mentioned. i called my husband who looked up the story to find out the city decided to not press charges against these kids. PTL ok i'm ecstatic but almost more ecstatic was how God brought that news to me, He had me ditts around the house just the right amount of time before work, He had the right station playing, at the right time. our son was very happy to say the least. this now behind him, now let's get a car please!!

my brother was in russia again teaching systematic theology thru an interpreter to seminary students mostly in their 20's. my sister and i spent almost three weeks caring for my mom. we did two days on/two days off. by the time we were done, we were exhausted to say the least. mom is doing fantastic right now. we think she got all worked up because she didn't want my brother to go. i did learn a lot about myself during that time.

i sent billy graham a 90th birthday greeting on oneplace.com. my parents were saved through one of his crusades. PTL he is one amazing christian of our day.

love to all who stop in. i'll be at your place soon.

my son whom i love

i have two children you have met my daughter and now i would like you to meet my son jordan.

he just was promoted to shift manager at cvs. he works hard and most days very hard is probably more accurately put. that's him laying on the floor next to a stack of totes that gets unloaded every monday. he labeled this photo another day at the office. funny, he is funny. he is a fun guy to be around. he has a very bright personality and his presence lights up the room. everyone loves jordan from family, friends to customers who actually tell the manager to keep him at this store. under all that sunshine is a down cast beautiful guy. when he hurts we hurt. his life to him has just crashed again. his car was totalled and the insurance company has labeled him as a high risk and he will have to seek insurance from a high risk branch of insurance. he doesn't know this yet and we have no idea what the cost will be. he does have tickets on his record. even though they were very minor in the grand scheme of life they are there and have caught up to him.

yesterday was a very difficult day for him. he has been without a car now for 2 weeks. he had to go to the bump shop and remove his license plate from his baby and turn over the key to them. state farm will be towing it today to where ever. we stopped at another dealership. he drove another gli that they just got in. the reality is now that he was basically dropped from our insurance and who knows what he will be able to afford really if anything.

i'm used to crying, but when i see my tough 6'1" tear up i know things are bad for him on the inside. he says nothing ever happens to his friends and everything always happens to him. i know that is not exactly true but he does not get away with anything in life. for the most part i've been aware of this, and happy for it, but i think: will he get so angry with God and never surrender his life to Him, or; how low will God have to take him before he looks up.

he says he is not lucky. i told him there is no such thing as luck. when i mention God is in control of our lives he lets me know he doesn't want to hear that speech again. somewhere along the line jordan thinks he is on the same playing field as the rest of the world. given he gave his heart to God when he was 5 and he had to buy a study bible for his 13th birthday and began underlining things he felt were important while attending wednesday night prayer meeting. satan is just not interested in his friends. do you get my thoughts here?

i really don't know what plan God is working out for him. i do know, His love is measureless for him. His plans are perfect for jordan and His thoughts of him are higher than mine. He wants to be the Lord of jordan's life. i always pray that the Lord would not let my kids forget Him. my repeated prayer is that He go find that one lost sheep, in this case two.

it hurts extra deep when your kids hurt. when you see their life take turns you ask where is this going to end up and how does it turn out?

Lord i continue to ask that you intervene on behalf of my children. Never give up on them no matter what.

mom update

i can't even begin to thank you all for your prayers. my mom's name is wini.


it has been only 24 hours on the oxygen, but really no change at all. she slept almost all day today. she washed up this morning in shifts but did not get dressed or comb her hair until 4pm. she is still eating 3 meals/day which is good. her ankles are retaining water. they go down pretty much over night but look bad by evening. i mentioned her congestive heart failure but we don't know if this has any bearing yet but i feel it may. her blood work came back with a hemoglobin of 10.7 and the dr. wants her to take iron every day. she has a lot bowel issues and fears and does not want to take iron...her daily centrum silver has no iron. she used to take theragram-m and switched because the stores stopped carrying it. her neutrophyls (sp?) were elevated but she has always had an elevated white count. so tomorrow we will get a copy of the blood work for ourselves and have them fax one to her cardiologist.



she keeps referring to her age...88. well what can you expect...i'm 88 years old janel. she has never been her age, never ever, until now. she hardly has any grey hair to which she is so proud.



so this morning before it got too hot i worked in her rock garden. she was inside on the couch in and out of sleep and i was outside taking my issues out by digging up weeds in a place we both enjoyed year after year. i cried as i pulled those weeds and moved rocks around. i felt at times i couldn't finish. every year she and i would go to the nursery and pick out some new perennials and go home and plant them. we both would be so excited at our selections. we used to say that being at the nursery is like being in heaven. she and i got out about a month ago, she pushed herself for one last time. it was too hot to really enjoy it, she stood in the shade at one point. she bought a pink phlox and some tall pink dianthus. even then she was planning some new things for the front of her house.

she also has a rose garden and would send home a beautiful bud to put on our table and now i'm bringing them in to her table.

p.s. our son who just got a promotion at his job at cvs, bought his dream car, a jetta gli, got into a car accident. it is not drivable. he is ok. my husband went to the impound lot to take a look and couldn't find the car. there is so much i could write here but just ask for prayer for him.

mom ~ prayer

my sister and i took mom to the doctor last thursday. mom's symptoms are wanting to sleep 24/7. she can hardly force herself to stay awake. going to er is out of the question...probably ever. her dr. did blood work and took her oxygen. it was 71. she asked mom how much she smoked per day. my mom's countenance fell like a rock...she quit 20 years ago, bless her heart. the one accomplishment she is so very proud of herself about, the doctor thought otherwise. she said after 55 years of smoking it was the hardest thing she ever did. we saw her try and try again only to fail until finally the Lord gave her the desire of her heart. we were all so amazed.

going to the doctor that day was a huge undertaking. she is the kind of woman who never wants to let people see her look bad. she had to have her hair washed and rolled 3 days before the dr. appointment then not comb it out until that day, and wear her makeup. washing her hair, no just getting the stuff she needed to the kitchen sink was exhausting and she was out of breath and had so sit down first for a while.

so tonight at 6pm the medical supply company is arriving with the dreaded oxygen. if this doesn't work, we think it may be her heart. she has congestive heart failure too. we didn't talk to this doctor about that because she sees a cardiologist and we have not gone in with her at those appointments in the past because she would not let us.

mom is a woman who's entire self esteem is taking care of her family and home. she is at a standstill right now and she isn't handling it well, i'm scared she is giving up. her and i talk 2 to 3 times a day. she means everything to me. i will write about her again soon.

please pray this oxygen makes a difference in her health. she keeps telling us she is a burden and that can't be farther from the truth. after my dad died mom read the entire new testament out of her scofield bible. her eyes gave her fits but she needed to have that done before He called her home, i know that was what she was doing.

this is so, so very hard. my mom is my very best friend. i just don't know if i can do this.